I accept payment through PayPal!, the #1 online payment service!

Dreamer's Journal

a collection of poems and prose ...

Featuring the work of

I'll probably never know
where I stop
and you begin,
But if one day I should
I'll hold my breath
waiting for you,
Like the seconds in time
waking from dream
I don't know a place
where I am me
without you there,
If ever I find it
I'll turn around
and come back home,
Because I don't wanna know
where I stop
and you begin...

When I Hold Your Hand

I can feel a tingle
in my fingertips
just because
you're touching me,
and I get swept away
by the way
it rushes over me...
and no one knows
just you and me...
the shivering
down my spine,
the warmth
from your palm
radiating from my fingers
to my toes,
and I get swept away
by the way
it rushes over me
like waves that lap
against the sand
and piece by piece
I become more you
than me...
isn't it funny
that no one knows
just you and me?

To my queen...

On account of you nations will rise and fall
Valiant men will say your name as a prayer
And we will stand awaiting your whisper as our air
Oh noblewoman to whom the sun bows down
Legends once decreed that you would one day rule
On account of you the shining stars will humble
Knowing that none have shone more bright
Than those adorning your tempest amber eyes,
And songs of sirens will pale in the wake of your sighs…
Though decades follow an unsteady course
No more noble has been any cause but this
The guarding of one so precious and your tender kiss
Your beauty will haunt the hearts of men
Becoming the reason for which they die and live
And none will fight as I have fought
For you will always be my Guenivere
And I your Lancelot…


~M.Snively (aka arabella)

pass me by

but I’m not looking back
I know where you are
I’m attached to you
a shadow you can touch

in the end
I’ll be there in your arms
I’ll be there standing guard
watching over you

passing by
things that could have been
things that now can be
when you’ve nothing else
you can always turn to me

in the end
I’ll be there in your arms
I”ll be there standing guard
watching over you

they're just shadows
don't you know,
everything that keeps
hovering in between us,
just shadows that
soon will pass...
there aren't enough
stars to keep us
from all the dark
but just know
that even there
when we're apart
I'm never far away...
don't you know there's
not sunlight or shadows
or broken hearts of past
that'll stand in the way
of our love
and if you look up
you can see it too
that even in darkness
and by the light of the moon
my heart will still
chase after you...
they're just shadows
hollow and drear
just shadows that pass
when light strikes their face
and there isn't
anything more bright
than true love's flame…
hold out for our love
and hold on to the light
don't be afraid
because I'm willing to fight
to battle the shadows
even there in the dark…
...my love will still chase after you...

~ M.Snively (aka arabella)


it used to be so easy
leaving you alone,
but that was long ago
before my heart grew up…
oh go ahead, tell me I was lost
and that you found my way,
say all the things I'll never hear
because my eyes are closed,
and when you turn around
thinking I'm long gone,
I'll be there holding you…
because you're my addiction
and very real obsession

don't think I'll frighten
when the stakes get high,
I don't scare that easy
not after all this time…
so go ahead, get lost in me
let me find a place for you,
I can open your eyes
'cuz I can hear your voice,
and every word you say
is my reason to return,
to be here holding you…
because you're my addiction
and very real obsession

M.Snively (a.k.a. arabella)

Outside the night sounds unravel, becoming the tenor of the eve. It's so warm and damp and close outside I feel as if I should venture onto some imaginary veranda to cool my soul. Only there is no veranda, just the hot desert sky. Perched high above the rooftops I can feel the faint tendrils of what might have been a breeze. There are lights in the distance…some seem to call from further than the horizon, as if they aren't even from this world. I lay my head back so I can see the entire sky and struggle to count the stars. It's funny how something so vast can pull you in, until you can almost feel it wrap around you like strong and weightless arms. Without a sound I start to dance with this mystery of night, and I don't stop to wonder who may chance to see my wistful stare and swaying form silhouetted against the moon. With head hung back and my hair falling longer down my back, reeling with all the things that a young girl dreams, I give in to the magic I cannot see. With shooting stars to wish upon, I dare to ask for everything.

Who knew I'd get my wish?

They say the light from a star comes stealing through the universe from light-years ago...that perhaps it is older than our world, and maybe only burns in memory between here and there. That all that's left of it's burning flame is just embers in our night. I suppose that must be true of shooting stars that graze the sky at night. If that's true, I guess I must've wished upon the star that brought me you.

I once stood staring into the sky with such anxious yearning to feel that I dreamt that my wishes all were real... and then a single star drenched the sky, crashing into the dark. And I wished for everything. Everything I could fathom to ever want to have or know or feel. It didn't matter that there might be the chance it would all come back to me many years from then, that one day I'd look back upon that night and wonder what made my naïve heart long for so much more than I had ever known.

From that moment, it was as if there would never be night again. I would never see the stars from a rooftop or veranda, or even mountains highest peaks. With my eyes closed, mid-thought through the dream I was spinning, a light flashed so brightly I was forced awake, and my eyes flew open as if I'd been startled from deep sleep. The sky was still around me, but somehow it was nearer...so near I felt I would fall into its depths. But I was not falling, I was being drawn up close until I could see the source of all the glowing. Deep chestnut eyes with flecks of amber met my gaze and I felt the kind of warmth that rushes through your veins and sends a tingling to your smallest toe. I could hear the beat of his heart and feel the coolness of the floor beneath me, but I couldn't look away from those deep, entreating eyes. It was as if I was still standing high above the city with the wind holding me up to touch the moon...as if all I had wished for was somehow tangled there in his eyes.

whispered words of a pale serenade follow the sun as it begins it's rise...and his words begin as if they are not words at all, as if they are as much a part of him as the heartbeat in his chest*

I want to be there
when the sun comes in
dripping with its warmth
I want to watch it
drench the locks of your hair
with halos of amber light

just because I love you...

I want to be the one
to hold you as you wake
when the sound of thunder
cradles the silhouette
of your velvet cheek
making you startle in the night

just because I love you...

and I want to be your refuge
from the summer's relentless rain
when the boughs above you
finally shudder and give way
I'll be your haven
and your dry place to stand

...because I love you...

M.Snively (a.k.a. arabella)
the time has flown
and I must go
but standing here
looking at you
my feet forget
to turn
I know I've
got to go
that time is
my relentless foe
but my feet
refuse to move.
perhaps it's
not my feet
but my heart
that keeps me
from walking away
that keeps me
staring into
your gaze

I'm gonna stand here
I have to stay
until the words escape
and my lips give way

oh baby it's
so late
and I'm afraid
I've missed my cue
the one where
I tell you
how much
I'm in love with
but my feet
won't leave
so maybe
there's still
a chance
I can't leave
until you see
I'm so in love
with you

I'm gonna stand here
I have to stay
until the words escape
and my lips give way

~arabella (a.k.a. M.Snively

In Your Dreams...

I came to you last night
under guise
of a dream you dreamt,
kneeling quiet by your bed
listening to you sleep..
. I closed my eyes
and imagined you knew
I was there...
I ventured in
into your mind
in the place I imagined
you to be...
and even though
you never woke
I believe
in dreams at night we meet...

oh night by night
my heart leads me here
to this place just out of reach
and even though
it's only real to me
I can't imagine anywhere else
I'd rather be...

oh maybe if
I steal into your heart...
by way of your dreams...
someday you'll find me
then I won't have
to imagine,
and you won't need
to sleep,
but until you wake
I'll vigil gently
beside your heartbeat
and steal into your dreams
oh I'll save you
from the darkness
and from the fears you fear
I'll be your angel
until you wake

someday, you'll see,
it won't just be real to me.
but until those hours between
dusk and dawn
I can't imagine anywhere else
I'd rather be...

love's magic

how could it
be anything less
than magic...
how else
could stardust
fall from the sky
to become
the sparkle
in your eyes...

oh it must be magic

and I don't believe
in luck or fate
and I never
believed in magic...
but what else
could it be
that could cause
my world to spin
so perfectly

oh it must be magic

...just magic...

~Arabella (a.k.a. M. Snively)

in your light

in your light
I feel the possibility
of what forever could become...
perhaps it's the spark
that makes you real
perhaps it's the flame
that ignited my soul...

whatever lights your eyes
whatever it is that makes you shine
let me bask here a little longer
just until forever is done...

in your light
I'm the child seeking refuge
and I'm the woman of your dreams...
perhaps it's the knowledge
you'll love no one but me
perhaps it's visions
that haunt me in my sleep

whatever lights your eyes
whatever it is that makes you shine
let me bask here a little longer
just until forever is done...

And I Almost Cry

Looking up with tempest eyes,
He whispers sweet to me...
"I've had them with me all the time, you know,
Every second of every minute of every day
Since the very first time I saw you smile,
I've kept them with me all this time...
Treasured away like love letters in my soul.
Even when you wondered where I'd gone to,
All that time I was with you in my dreams."

And I have to sigh
Because how much more perfect
Could one man be?

And he leans in closer as he speaks…
"Oh you could say I'm seeing both of you
Everything you've ever been
And all the things you're going to become,
With everything you are right now...
I'm just spending time with all of you
Spending every waking hour saving time...
Cuz I've got every second of every minute
Of every day with you treasured in my dreams"

And I almost cry
Because how much more perfect
Could one man be?

Every Word You Say

when you look at me
I still get lost
and it feels like
I'm drowning in the ocean
and the tide
just keeps coming in
and it's the rise and fall
of a noble heart
not the moon
that draws me to your shore

and I believe
every word you say

I still get lost
because I believe
and I'm so far gone
I can't look away
not even to save myself
I'd rather be drowning
here in your arms
lost in your eyes
in the sea of our love
than anywhere else...

cuz I believe
every word you say

I've never been so sad
never quite so scared
I thought I was losing you
not because you struck out alone
but because I couldn't make you stay

and the fear grew deeper
and enveloped me
until I thought I'd drown

you were all alone
without a hand to hold
but you kept searching on
and I know it must've hurt you bad
when I couldn't make you stay

and the fear grew closer
and crept over me
until I would surely die

I reached for you
but not far enough
I thought I was losing you
because it seemed you ran away
even when I ordered you to stay

and the fear... the fear kept gnawing from somewhere deep

but one by one the faithless followed you until there was no one left but me not because I did not believe but because I was blinded and could not see

and the fear still came until I followed too only then I felt pain subside

and lastly though I came searching for your heart you still believed in me not because faith had found me but because love had never truly left

~ Max

Not Leaving...

just remember me
all the things I used to be
the dreams we were making
cuz they're all I am taking

because I'm not leaving
just resting here
gently clinging
to all that's dear

just hold on to me
to everything I made you see
through eyes of the young and brave
for you my soul I gladly gave

because I'm not leaving
just resting here
gently clinging
to all that's dear

just know I'm here
far away but always near
I'll stand here with you
a hand for you to hold on to

because I'm not leaving
just resting here
gently clinging
to all that's dear


peering here inside you
at everything you are
and I'm seeing all of me
hiding there in you

everything you are
is all I'll ever need to be...
you're the other half of me

I'm not just mislaid pieces
now I know where I belong
you're the other half of me
the part that makes me whole

everything you are
is all I'll ever need to be...
you're the other half of me

Like I Do

no one will hold you
until the moon
comes crashing down
like I do

and no one else
can recreate this
impossible love we found
like I do

but I'll be your angel
and I'll teach you words
and I'll give you mountains
because nobody else
knows how to heel our wounds
like I do

nobody will
hold you
until you are whole
like I do

and no one
can love you
love you more
than I do

...not like I do...

I had to make you see,

before you, there was nothing
and I feared loving
afraid to leave this safety...
but without you
I was nothing...

I've learned something, though, about
no heart beats in vain
no life is lived to feel nothing...

and I had to make you see,

I'm feeling because of you...
living to the bone,
and it's so real
it hurts sometimes

before you, there was nothing
and I feared in leaving
that even what I had, I'd lose
because without you
I'm nothing...

but I learned something about
my heart has never beat in vain
because now, with you, I feel everything....

and I have to make you see you are everything...

there is no grey in love
cuz love's just black and white

there is no hesitation
and not a hint of doubt

and even when there is no logic
it all makes sense somehow...

and there isn't any darkness
cuz love is always bright

when the world is black
and confusion closes in

love is the light we harbor
between our clinging hearts

and it all makes sense somehow
cuz it's just you and me

cuz we're standing here together
in the brightness of our love
I just want to know you
like no one else knows you
I want to memorize
the way you follow
the line of the horizon
with your eyes as
you watch the sun set…
I need to study
how your strong hand
folds around my small one,
each finger resting
as though it had always
been a part of mine
I just want to know you
like no one else knows you
I have this impression
burned in my mind
of your gaze
peering without judgement
into my deepest secrets…
I have yet to learn
all the volumes of your past
to explore your thoughts
and see your memories
from the very beginning
of your recollection…

I just want to know you
like no one else knows you
I want to memorize
how your eyes sparkle
when you laugh
and be reminded
every day
for the rest of my life…
I need to feel your skin
to imbed it’s warmth
into my soul
until I can feel you
when I dream…

because I love you
like no one else has ever loved you…

in your eyes I see everything
as it should be,
not as it is right now
and I don't need to touch you
to feel when your heart beats
because I can see it...
there is strength there
that draws me to bravery
and pleads with my spirit
to be everything
it aspires to be...
your eyes reveal everything
and I can see
the way a heart can see forever
without knowing time,
I already know the words
before you speak them...
I can feel your fear
and touch your pain
there is nothing you can hide
because your eyes
speak to me...
I can see everything
and even with nothing
standing between us
but silence and a heartbeat,
I can hear you...
from your eyes to my soul
we share a lifeline
securing these moments
without arms to embrace,
and I can't see it
but I know it's there...
because I'm only strong
when you are near...

standing at the crossroad
in the middle of a heavy fog
I can't see the signs
for all the gray around me,

every now and then
a faint beam of light
reels by on it's journey
somewhere up ahead,

leaving me at this crossroad
without a way to see
I can't turn back
and I'm afraid to take a step,

closing my eyes to hide
in the coolness of the dark
I huddle here inside myself
waiting to hear your voice,

with the cold rain pelting
and the wind hanging still
I'd rather be blinded by faith
than blinded by her will,

faith will call to you
until you bring the sun
and burn away the grayness
that makes me close my eyes,

but even if it wasn't raining
and the fog had disappeared
I couldn't leave this place
until you come and choose a path for me...

It's Not Me

I'm not quite myself right now
even though a mirror
would tell a different tale
the only time I feel
is when I close my eyes
cuz then the earth stops spinning
and just lets me lie

so let me lie here
until I can stand
'til I find myself

I'm someone I never thought I'd be
even though my reflection
hasn't changed at all
but I'm missing parts of me
parts I need the most
that ground me here
and lead me home

so let me lie here
until I can stand
'til I find myself

and I don't wanna be
not here like this alone
I don't wanna see this man
hiding there behind my eyes
cuz it's not me behind the glass
it's not me cuz
I'm not me without you

so let me lie here
until I can stand
'til I find myself

M. Snively

I keep writing
verses in my head
and I keep hearing
all the songs...
serenading my heart
in short sweet bars,
and I'm waiting for
the next refrain
when the words
bring you back to me.
so let the music
keep playing
and the lyrics linger
because with the
next refrain
you'll come back to me

Walking Away

I don't want to
walk away
and I can't be left
you can trust me
while I'm here
but shortly I'll
be gone
and still
there's not a moment
I won't need you...

leaving you is like
severing gravity...
without you beside me
I can't even stand

I don't want to
walk away
‘cuz this is all
I know
I’d trust you
to hold me here
but shortly now
I'll have to go
and still
there's not a moment
I won't need you...

walking away is like
severing gravity...
without you beside me
I can't even stand

there's not a moment
I don't need you...


I thought I loved
for reasons beyond our grasp

but you knew better than I
knowing all the time
this place was meant for us
you kept a faith without hope

I thought my future
had all the answers waiting

but you knew better than I
knowing all the while
even when confusion came
you were meant for me

I thought we found
all the reasons to be together

but you knew better than I
knowing even then
we share the same heart
and unfailing destiny

I thought I would find you
somewhere up ahead

but you knew better
knowing we never parted
that whatever comes to pass
our lives are intertwined

it's like slow motion
but there's nothing
I can do
so I turn to leave
and yet I hesitate
hoping to feel you
reaching out to
hold me back...
...only you don't
you just let me go
and now I wonder
if you even knew...
and that's when
I know.
somehow, somewhere
we lost it
whatever 'it' was
I'm not sure when or
even if I saw it go
I just know I felt it
though I'm not certain
it was ever real...
the thing is...
I believed it was.
so somehow, somewhere
I'm gonna wait
without my heart
finding out
and I'm gonna find it
or wait for it
or figure out if
it ever really was
and if it wasn't....

... ...but I know it was...
Do you remember that place?
our place?
take me back there...
back to where we danced
in the darkness with only
each other and the stars...
to where there was only
the wind and clouds
to dance upon...

remember the way you sang to me?
how did it go again…
sing it to me,
about the fields that
forever bloom
even though it never rains,
where the sun only sets
when we close our eyes,
there were fields of
pale white roses there...

don't you remember how we laughed
until the brightness of the moon
out-shown the sun?
your eyes sparkled so...
what was that promise
you whispered in my ear...?
just before you declared
your undying love...
tell me again... by arabella

*and as she stands and gazes there, into the eyes that know her all too well, her heart begs reason with her head and cries the silent prayer that night by night she whispers even as she dreams...* with no uncertainty
my eyes have seen
fleeting glimpses
of what would one day be
in spite of all
my heart denies
and what I put at risk
I'm counting each
and every star
until you come back to me
because even
if I didn't believe
in angels
I'd believe in you


there's a song
that haunts me
like a lullabye
I can barely hear,
it reaches with arms
of tender tones
around the gates
that keep me far away
picking the lock
of fate
with each faint
and airy note...
but tonight
its growing stronger
and your whisper
is the melody
and the verse
is nothing more
than candle-light
flickering and soft
this music from
your heart...
and here is where I hide
in this refrain
in my lullabye
when you are near

the spotlight fades
and the curtains rise
the darkness dims
until it’s light
and the scene begins
and you are here
and I’m fallin’ fast

and your hands are my anchor
and the night can’t reach me here
even though the room is spinning
and I’ve no way to stand

the spotlight fades
and the screen goes black
there are no more lines
and no more doubt
and I’m fallin’ fast
into the dark
then you reach for me

and your hands are my anchor
and the night can’t reach me here
even though the room is spinning
and I’ve no way to stand

Even in another lifetime
Another place
With different rules
I would love you

Had we never met
Our paths never crossed
Though truly we had searched
I would love you

If I weren't me
And you weren't you
Our hearts would still beat the same
And I would love you

In this world
Or in another lifetime
There is no way I could ever love
Without you.

By arabella

The Dance

I could dance like this
All night
And for the rest of my life
If it meant you would
Never let me go

In your arms
Submersed in the two of us
With the music
Resounding in my head
Echoing every beat of our hearts

In your arms
With your eyes so intense
Anchoring me in this
Heaven of ours
Dancing here together alone

In your arms
With only the space
Of a single shallow breath
Suspended between us
Like stardust

I could dance like this
For the rest of my life
And my feet
Would never even touch
The ground.

Whether in dream or awake
My heart still leaps
Whenever you walk in a room
You still take my breath away
Every time you smile...
And in my dreams
I can barely breathe...
Though it doesn’t matter
Because You are my air.
Being with you was like dreaming
Wide awake…

Now I long for the night
Where you are still mine.

After I close my eyes
I step into the only life I’ve known…
My only world.
Softly your voice beckons me
And you are so close, so real...
All the confusion is gone,
your dream
The whole world
Leaving Us – Only us...


There are moments that had I known…
I would’ve held you longer...tighter...

There were times that had I known...
My lips would’ve held nothing back...

Moments I would’ve stayed longer...
Had I known you might not come back...

Times I would have looked deeper into your eyes...
If I could’ve known for what to look...

Oh that only I could’ve known...
I would not have whispered of our love
So just you and I could hear
I would’ve shouted from the rooftops
So even the gods on high
Would startle and take note
Perhaps that they would change our fate
Knowing then that this love is true...
Then all those moments would ne’er be lost
By what now I keep from you...
When did I
Know I loved you?
Light-years ago
Before time began

From long ago
Our hearts were bound
By bonds more lofty
Than those of man

My hand was carved
From the small of your palm
And my lips
Of the softness of your mouth

When did I
Know I loved you?
From the moment
My heart began to beat

by arabella
only with you
has the fluttering of my heart
shaken me so fiercely
that my knees became weak

never before
has my breath been stolen
for so long
my heart stopped beating

in on one else's arms
have I danced
as time intermingled
to bridge two hearts

my eyes never saw
shooting stars
and worlds untouched
until your lips met mine

only with you
never before
in any one else's arms.
have I ever seen love like this

only with you

last night I went out walking
with pebbles of stardust in my hand
by myself but not without you
stepping softly in red clay sand

mirages I there encountered
that listless made my heart
burdened then to find your words
that fate would make us part

so slowly back I came
as one with heavy unwilling feet
ne're to kiss your lips or feel your arms
and only in moonlit dream to meet

so night by night my soul returns
to haunt the desert sky
and daring still my heart yet beats
searching there for you and I


Solid Ground

Footsteps echo on solid ground
Make me wonder where I stand,
Am I here without you
Or just alone inside my head,
Without your light to lead me
I falter but do not fall

When you were mine I had no dreams
And you were the only ‘real’ to me
Tracing your skin with every breath
Your warmth defied the snow
When you were mine...you were mine...

Behind closed eyes I see you
Without words I hear your voice,
Whispers rushing through my mind
Chanting your spell into my soul,
Your beauty haunts me in silent halls
Where footsteps echo on solid ground.

When you were mine I had no dreams
And you were the only ‘real’ to me
Tracing your skin with every breath
Your warmth defied the snow
When you were mine...you were mine...
by arabella

Shall I believe?

Like a beaten cur
I am starved for your attention
Despite this abuse to my very soul
Each casual glance
Is a balm to my wounds inside
What I know as truth
Your actions I see
Your emotions I feel
Is the essence of incongruity
What echoes in my mind is
Shall I believe?

by DreamerVixen
If I chanced for a moment
that our hearts were misguided
the stars were not in your eyes
but blinding me from my true light

Has there been a road less traveled
that had I stepped along that way
that I would find the truth on someone else's lips?
buried in someone else's soul?

Were it not for your presence
would my world have been more rightly completed?
had I never come to know your love
would my destiny have been more truly fulfilled?

Though our very lives depend on this
this one question of our love,
if I chanced for just this one moment,
all hope would die and my world would end

The stars would fall and the heavens collapse
for there is nothing left for me
no kingdom or future or bride
if I missed that one moment with you.

I followed your lead
Into a whole new world
Where I began to live
Through your eyes
I saw for the first time
Enduring love..

I’m trying to live without you
Only, I'm pleading with your memory...
Still caught up with your beauty
Even now that you’re gone...
You walked away and kept looking back
And I can’t see beyond your face...

Now I've given up leaving
And I'm haunted by faith
There is no love stronger than this
No destiny greater than ours
Willing with all my being
Your heart to retrace it’s steps
Back to us

You are my northern star
Shining brighter than daylight

I need no compass
As long as your heart is true

There is no such obstacle
As impossible distance

The greatest journey
Begins and ends with the heart

I will search forever
And I will be with you

Those beautiful dark and sensitive eyes
Childlike with mirth and disguising heartache
I still can feel into those shy and silent pools of light
See and hear what your lips my never say...

With arms around me that remind me still...
Sending my world back into the then
That I so terribly need and long for now,
With just your embrace...