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Dreamer's Journal

a collection of poems and prose ...

Featuring the work of


I'm breathing in
I'm breathing out
going through the motions
I make myself get out of bed
and slip into the day
but I'm just going through the motions
reminding myself to breathe...

and I know that in a little while,
even though it doesn't feel
like just a little while,
I know that you'll be here...
so I just have to remind myself
to breathe
because I need you just like air

I'm breathing in
I'm breathing out
just going through the motions
that get me through the day
through the hours till we meet
I'm just feet and hands and a beating heart
waiting here reminding myself to breathe

in a little while,
even though it feels like
so much more than just a little while,
you'll be here…
and I won't have to remind myself
to breathe
because I need you just like air


I stand under the open sky
Arms wide open
Crossroads stretched before me
The sky weeps in joy, sprinkling me
I have found my destiny.
Time nudges me as it passes, and I realize
The sprinkles were a deluge of confusion,
That I am drenched in.
I was mistaken
I realize that I have been drowning
In pools of sorrow all this time.
For you gave me the map to your heart
I lost my way
I must now find it back to you.



I have never felt quite so
Defiance of that predator, Fear
Is my facade
But beneath it
I am small, scared prey
Denied and bereft of
Comfort, companionship- even Love
But despite this all,
My determination drives me on,
I shall prevail!



I know now that nothing will ever be the same
For now, only in dreams can I cry your name
I was determined to be strong till the very end,
And this breaking of my heart I feared would never mend!
I know I seemed distant, but on this task I must focus now,
Something odd is afoot here, I must discover it somehow!
So for now, it's so clear, I see what I must do-
Many things to think about, one of which is you!
Of the mysteries I unravel, your actions will be one,
But know this-the love between us, is never, never done!


My Love, My Heart, My Soul

Oh my love,
What have I done
I know not
What came over me to
Betray you in this way
Oh my love,
What have I done
When our love
I ended
And I pushed you so far away
Oh my heart,
Is being wrenched in my chest
For I know
The heat of the moment
Burned so hot and is now so cold
Oh my heart,
Is being wrenched in my chest
For only in my worst nightmares
Did I ever believe
I could push you into her waiting arms
Oh my soul,
Is being torn in half
I fear I am pulled
By invisible strings
Molded into a foreign version of myself
Oh my soul,
Is being torn in two
For something is amiss-
And I will not rest
Until those strings of manipulation have been severed.

Max and Liz


Something everyone
Claims ownership of
Like an unloved lost puppy
With uncertain nourishment
Should not faith be like
A beautiful, well worn memory?
Taking up permanent residence
Sinking deep inside of
Each and every part of you
Never to be doubted
Able to be called up
In a moments notice to cherish
And hold close to your heart
If there is anyone in this world
Or any other I believe in-
It is, and always has been, you.

~From Liz to Max~

Truth Will Light His Way

Sick is my heart
For having given you away
Blank is my mind
For fear of this sorrow
Dry are my eyes
For my tears have filled oceans
Hungry are my lips
For they may never taste yours again
Empty are my arms
For wanting to embrace you
Heavy is my soul
For holding up the world's cares
But yet- I know my star has not fallen-
Strong is my heart
Fortified with memories
Full is my mind
Of my trust and my faith
Dry are my eyes
For I will cry no more for what had to be done
Hungry are my lips
For yours are the only ones I want to kiss
Empty are my arms
For empty they shall remain, till there is you
Light is my soul
For I cherish my hope that truth will light your way back to me.

He Chooses Love

He chooses love, that's what she told me
And I thanked Heaven for that evasion of destiny
But alas, our love was not to flower
For I met the future you the very next hour!
My life changed forever, that moment, that day
For my own pseudo-betrayal is what pushed him away-
One second I was full of joy, the next full of sorrow;
Now how sad and uncertain is my tomorrow?
But- he chooses love, isn't that what she said?
Maybe she didn't mean now, but sometime far ahead!
So I will suffer gladly now to save the world from THAT fate-
Because I know he will come back, either soon or late!

Kingdoms may rise
And kingdoms may fall
Nothing really matters
When all I want is you

Ocean tides may rise
And they may ebb
Nothing really matters
When all I want is you

Deserts may become the seas
Mountains may become valleys
And I feel I shall surely perish
All for want of you

Lifetimes may pass
And destinies may too
But one thing shall ever abide:
All I want is you.


It heals all wounds
So they say.
But this breach inside
This complete desolation
Has never healed
It continues to languish inside
As if it has taken up
Permanent residence.
But I hold close to my heart
One small stubborn hope
That bright truth will shine
Through your murky uncertainty


by DreamerVixen


These walls I built
So carefully
Brick by brick
You melt so effotlessly

The oceans I put between us
So reluctantly
Brick by brick
You construct a bridge to me

I've done what I had to do
So unwillingly
Though I perish the thought
Of existing for only you

How can I let you go?
Lives and souls intertwined
How do you separate a tree
From it's roots
Having your love is all I know

I've done what I had to
Through the pain and agony
And despite it all it seems
You always return to me


by DreamerVixen
And now I shall reveal unto you all, some feelings I know many of you share with me. There have been many lives and many loves onscreen in the past and in the present, and there will be more in the future. Only one love has touched me to the core, and it has been the love of Max and Liz. I have been gifted with much empathy, and their trials and tribulations this season have brought me to tears, to the depths of despair, to the bottom of a well of sorrow. Conversely, their love blossoming in the first season gave me tears of joy, put my heart in my throat, and butterflies in my stomach. When I think of the strength of their love for each other, it makes me say, "I shall believe", because a love that spans time and space is a love that will never dim and die, it is a love worth fighting for. It is a love to tell future generations about; it is a love that calls one half of a soul to another and keeps them together throughout the universe, and throughout the years. It is when a boy loves a girl, and it changes the world.

With that said, I will give you all my latest poem.

Once Upon A Dream

Although my heart
Has been wrung
Like so many pieces of laundry

Although my love
Has been crumpled
Like a worthless piece of trash

Although my need for you
Has been doused
Like a dangerous flame

Although my eyes
Have been inundated
With tears and visions of you and he;

Although the fabric of my very being
Has been rent in two
And I continue to exist, soulless

Once upon a dream
We lived
We laughed
We loved

Athough our love
Is but a whisper of the distant past
Once upon a dream
We will live it again

~from Max to my dearest Liz~

*bows* I offer this to you, my dreamer family.


How intimate I have become
With it
I have come to know Her ways so well-
She takes, She gives, She mutates
She takes my love
And twists it into
A laughable farce of feeling
She gives you
The comfort of another's arms
She takes my actions
And turns nobility
Into seeming betrayal
She has given us
Heartache, heartbreak
Ceaseless pain
I have come to know Her needs so well-
To hurt, to consume, to warp
How intimate I have become
With it.


Wee hours of the morning

It is the wee hours of the morning
In which I lie awake
It is the wee hours of the morning
In which my loneliness confronts me
It is the wee hours of the morning
In which memories barrage my poor heart
It is the wee hours of the morning
In which my tears flow so freely
It is the wee hours of the morning
In which thoughts of you run through my mind
It is the wee hours of the morning
In which my heart swells with love for you
It is the wee hours of the morning
In which I have learned
My hope is a stubborn flame
Determined to not be extinguished.


by DreamerVixen

When We Dance

When we dance
Your beauty
Bedazzles me
I hold my breath
Afraid to lose hold
Of your ethereal beauty

When we dance
My hope
Burns so brightly
I hold your hands
Afraid to lose hold
Of this fleeting moment of joy

When we dance
Cease their song
Hide their wings
In awe of
Our harmony


by DreamerVixen

To Have and to Hold

Two actions I yearn to do-
To have you
Solely mine;
Forever and always
To hold you
Enclosed within
The haven of my arms
I have watched you
Spread your wings
And fly away from me
But I abide here patiently
For your return
I have and I hold your heart
It belongs to me
And none other-


by DreamerVixen

Of the past
Call softly to me
Unwilling to be ignored, they
Whisper my name
And his~together
Although our future
May look bleak
I can see the light
At the end of
Destiny's tunnel



How perverse my love may seem
To push you so far and away
When how clear it is
That my love
Consumes the very depths of my being
I burn with love for you
But I freeze through the logic of my decision
I have sacrificed all for you to live
Only to be able to hover
At the edges of your existence
Though this woe may mean my death
I would do it all again
To see you draw another breath

~from Liz~

by Dreamer Vixen

Cloaked in beauty
Robed in gentility
Clothed in grace
Mantled with compassion
Draped in sweetness
Attired in purity
Is my dearest heart
Though I wish her to be
Clad in the joy of our love

~from Max~ (via DreamerVixen)

If Only’s

Is the universe filled with them?
Would that we were
Never to be parted in heart or mind

If only,
Would that we were
Growing together intertwined

If only,
Would that we were
Stars in a constellation
Blazing brightly, suspended
Together forever in the heavens above

If only,
We were able to
Sidestep destiny's headlong rush
And escape into the haven
Of each other's arms

Above from DreamerVixen!

Echoes of the Past

I sit alone in my misery
Except for thoughts of you
That tumble around inside my mind
Over and over
I long for you
My soul begs for you to caress it
My better half
Has been cleaved from me; but
Having your love again will make me
My mind longs to meld with yours
For it is only when you are near
That I am content.
I need you to stop
This emptiness that threatens to swallow me
Over and over
This tidal wave of sorrow
Crashes over me
And all I can think of
Over and over is
I want you
I need you
I love you


Dreamland In Love's Shadow

As I watch in my land of slumber
I watch as time passes by
By day, my love and devotion
I can express in no more than a sigh

Only in the depths of my dreams
Can I keep from being blue
Los in the shadows of the night
Is the time I cry over you.

During my travails through nighttime
It is only you that I see
Staying in the haven of my bedroom
I yearn for you to be with me.

Though all the shadows surround us
I feel in my heart so much trust
For by day I want to know you love me
But in my dreams I know you must.

Wrapped in this blanket of security
Reality cannot shine through
So only in this cover of darkness
Can I reveal my true feelings for you.

By DreamerVixen

From Liz, to Max

From across the room I feel
Your eyes burning into me
I turn, commanded by your gaze
And somehow I am drawn into
Those smoky pools of intensity
I drown in sweet darkness
Where time means nothing
And ceases to exist
I tremble, I cannot lose myself
And yet, helplessly I fall
Deeper and deeper
Suddenly I am floating
I feel your arms encircle me
Warm embrace
Your lips brush my skin and I quiver
Like petals falling in a gentle breeze
Onto my soul
My body sighs my frozen heart melts
And I awaken
Only to find
It was just a dream.

From DreamerVixen

by DreamerVixen